October 6th, 2008
Disappointed.
I sit back down, unsure of what I should do next. I'd made th call. Nobody had answered. But I had the phone in my room, I had made the announcement. What can I do? I don't want to just sit here, all alone. Maybe I could still call somebody. But who? My mind pulls back, my heart steps forward, allowing memories to rush through. We are laughing, jumping up and down. She looks at me, her eyes are shining. "He waved back! Did you see him? He waved back." She laughs some more. I am laughing too, but harder. We are about to do something crazy, when Brett call us back inside. But she probably won't want to hear from me. She wouldn't after this long. "Jenny! How could you do this to yourself?" Tears are in her eyes. "Were you mad? Why would you take it out on yourself?" I lower my head, so she won't see my shame. "Listen. You can call me, if you ever need to talk. Please talk to me, okay? I don't want you to hurt yourself. I love you." I am afraid that it will be awkward. I don't want to ruin what I thought was teh best friendship of my life, by one mistake. A phone call at a bad time. One thing coming down on top of all our happy memories. What if it's the last time I talk to her? By the look on her face, I can tell she wants me to say I was kidding. "You're really moving? He got the job? And it's for real this time?" I say yes. She is about to burst into tears. "But Jenny! I can't live without you! You're my best friend in the world! And Colorado is so far way...we'll never see each other again. Oh, Jenny..." I remind her that we can still talk. "But what if we don't?" And both of our hearts are broken. Suddenly I remember sharing the heartbreak. There was so much of it. The emotions overcome me. I remember the laughter, the hugs, the long nights the long nights we'd whisper to each other about such stupid things. I remember what she did for me. And I remember that she was the only one there, when I needed someone to hold me up because I couldn't do it myself anymore. She really does love me. Why do I worry so much? I look back at the phone. Her number will never leave my memory. I dial it, very slowly. I pull it toward my ear. It's ringing. I can hear my heart beating. "Hello?"
"Susan?"
"Jenny! Oh my God! I miss you so much! I'm going to cry."
And just like magic, everything else disappears. It's only Susan now.
I sit back down, unsure of what I should do next. I'd made th call. Nobody had answered. But I had the phone in my room, I had made the announcement. What can I do? I don't want to just sit here, all alone. Maybe I could still call somebody. But who? My mind pulls back, my heart steps forward, allowing memories to rush through. We are laughing, jumping up and down. She looks at me, her eyes are shining. "He waved back! Did you see him? He waved back." She laughs some more. I am laughing too, but harder. We are about to do something crazy, when Brett call us back inside. But she probably won't want to hear from me. She wouldn't after this long. "Jenny! How could you do this to yourself?" Tears are in her eyes. "Were you mad? Why would you take it out on yourself?" I lower my head, so she won't see my shame. "Listen. You can call me, if you ever need to talk. Please talk to me, okay? I don't want you to hurt yourself. I love you." I am afraid that it will be awkward. I don't want to ruin what I thought was teh best friendship of my life, by one mistake. A phone call at a bad time. One thing coming down on top of all our happy memories. What if it's the last time I talk to her? By the look on her face, I can tell she wants me to say I was kidding. "You're really moving? He got the job? And it's for real this time?" I say yes. She is about to burst into tears. "But Jenny! I can't live without you! You're my best friend in the world! And Colorado is so far way...we'll never see each other again. Oh, Jenny..." I remind her that we can still talk. "But what if we don't?" And both of our hearts are broken. Suddenly I remember sharing the heartbreak. There was so much of it. The emotions overcome me. I remember the laughter, the hugs, the long nights the long nights we'd whisper to each other about such stupid things. I remember what she did for me. And I remember that she was the only one there, when I needed someone to hold me up because I couldn't do it myself anymore. She really does love me. Why do I worry so much? I look back at the phone. Her number will never leave my memory. I dial it, very slowly. I pull it toward my ear. It's ringing. I can hear my heart beating. "Hello?"
"Susan?"
"Jenny! Oh my God! I miss you so much! I'm going to cry."
And just like magic, everything else disappears. It's only Susan now.
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